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The Ultimate Hookup Handbook for Fuck Tonight
It can be difficult to hook up. Most people don’t think about how much goes into getting laid. Your success with women depends on everything, from how you look to your apartment to how well you flirt.
It’s not about style or game alone. It’s all about having all these things together. Even if you are the most laid-back guy, it’s not likely that you will get a woman to fall in love with you if your body smells like trash.
Here’s the ultimate guide for hooking up. This handbook covers everything, from personal grooming to sliding into her DMs to sliding it all in (wink, wink). This article covers everything you need to know about hooking up. Not necessary, but encouraged.
Grooming and Style
You shouldn’t rush to get ready if you think you are a macho man. Grooming is not just for the beautiful or the powerful. My guy, if you don’t spend at least as much time grooming yourself in the bathroom as you do watching Rick & Morty, you are fucking up.
I don’t mean to say that women love a little musk. There is a big difference between musk, and smelling like a gym locker. Spend some time looking in the mirror to improve your sex experience.
General Hygiene is an absolute must
Let’s begin with the basics. This section may seem obvious to some… But to others, it is a matter of common sense.
A shower is a must before you go out on a date or to a bar to meet girls or have a girl over to your house for a dick appointment. Even if you only take a shower for your body, it is advisable to shower. Before you meet any woman, rinse off all your sweat and day.
You don’t have the time to take a shower. You can take a shower with a few wipes or a towel. You will feel fresher and could even get a second chance with a wet nap.
If you want to hook up, you must smell good. The topic of cologne… Ax nearly got it right with their slogan of the pit-pit chest because you should apply cologne to three different areas, but not necessarily to your armpits. Your deodorant should cover your pit stench.
Spray one wrist with cologne. Rub the other wrist with the cologne and then dab your ears. Then either sprays your chest or, if your cologne is especially strong, do the patented spray-delay-and-walk-away. You can spray your cologne into the air and wait for it to float through the air. Then, walk through the cloud of perfumed air (while keeping your eyes closed, as you don’t want your eyes to go blind, or inhale the shit). This will ensure that you are properly perfumed and prevent you from over-smelling cologne.
Also, you should be flossing daily. Yellow teeth will be noticed in girls. I promise you. It’s a big turnoff. If she’s going to kiss you, she won’t want to see evidence that your dental hygiene is poor. Do you get stuff stuck in your teeth? These floss items can be kept in your car or desk, as well as some Wet Ones to give you that whore’s bath.
Let’s start with your scalp. Both men and women have dandruff. It seems to be more common in men than it is in women because it is easier for women to manage. You don’t want a girl to want to run her fingers through your hair. If you are suffering from this problem, get some medicated shampoo and tea tree oil.
Girls also pay attention to the hands of men, and more specifically nails. What girl will want to see your nails if they are too long? They won’t let you put a finger in if they are dirty.
Keep your shit short. Your shit should be kept short. Keep your shit in order. If you don’t feel like doing it yourself, I recommend getting a mani — emphasis on man. Manicures can be very relaxing and inexpensive (especially if they don’t include polish like the ladies, but I’m open to suggestions if you are).
For 15 dollars, you can get your nails done every other week and a killer forearm massage. These are great for after a hard workout at the gym. Many nail girls will massage your neck; it’s the best. Trust me.
Let’s not forget about man-scaping. You will need to trim your hair if you want to get laid. You don’t need to be bald-eagle unless your hookup insists otherwise. However, you should trim your hair.
Trim your pubic hair to a manageable length before you reach for a razor. (Please be careful not to trim your legs). Next, exfoliate your skin with sugar or coconut oil. After that, you can use soap or shaving cream to finish the shave. This will prevent razor burn.
The rest of your body hair is up to you. You can wax your back or chest if you feel the need. It will grow if it doesn’t. It’s entirely up to you. It doesn’t matter what you do with it, as long as it’s clean.
You should wear something that makes you feel badass
Your clothing is another important component of your physical appearance. Do you want to be a model?
Dress as the man that you are not, or dress for the woman you wish to have.
Fashion is not something you need to know. Style and fashion are completely different things. However, it’s a good idea to keep your ears open for trends. I would only advise you to avoid hype-beasting when you are out looking for a hookup or trying to find one.
You might come off as being too outlandish or too difficult to approach if you wear a wild outfit. You might appear too intimidating if you dress as you’ve just walked off the runway. While you want to look stylish and be yourself, you also need to be approachable. You can save your drop-crotch pants and your Yeezy 2018 ESC outfit for once you have already blasted the girl.
You should be yourself and dress appropriately for the event. You can wear whatever you want to the event, such as an EDC outfit or other similar events. If you are going to an event or place that is more casual, such as a bar or music venue, then you should be wearing something more casual.
You don’t have to be a fashionista if you aren’t. It’s better to be slightly more dressed than under-dressed. If you are unsure how formal you should dress for a night out, it’s okay to wear a button-down or a blazer. If you are unsure about how formal you should be, I suggest going one step up from what you believe is acceptable.
A little bit too much will make you appear more mature (and I know that ladies love a man who can wear some form-fitting pants).
You should have a designated outfit that you can wear out. You should have an outfit that you feel confident in, and you can wear to work. This is your go-to outfit for a date or hookup hunter.
You’ll feel confident and competent even if you don’t know what to wear.
Your facial hair should be honest
A man’s facial hair can be a source of pride or anxiety. There seems to not be any middle ground. Facial hair is just as important, if not more important than the clothes you choose.
If you are capable of growing a full-blown mountain man beard, then go for it. Keep that beard shit CLEAN. Although beards can be very attractive, they are the most offensive. Your beard should contain nothing other than some pleasant-smelling beard oil. You should have no crumbs or other debris in your facial foliage.
Keep your beautiful whiskers looking great by oiling your beard and keeping it well-trimmed. Don’t be afraid to use scissors if you aren’t confident around them. Find the best barbershop and become a regular customer.
Keep a comb handy for when you go out with friends, on dates, or out on the town. You can prevent any crumbs from getting into your beard, and it will look great for the ladies.
If you are unsure that your facial hair connects properly or looks great, it is time to be truthful with yourself. If your facial hair looks more like fuzz rather than the forest, don’t attempt to go all-out-brawny man. Your facial hair should be kept to a 5 O’clock shadow that frames your face and highlights your jawline. Accept that you cannot grow a beard, and embrace your baby face.
Preparation of apartment/house
If you are expecting a lady friend to return to your home, the condition of your apartment will be just as important as the state of your dress.
Your apartment, like your outfit, is a reflection of you. It can also reflect your personality and how messy you are. You have some work ahead of you if your apartment looks like it just got hit by a hurricane.
Take a moment to clean up
Is your apartment a scene from a frat party? Do you recall the last time you cooked dishes? What is the age of the food in your refrigerator? Are your sheets so saturated with bodily fluids that they are stiff?
Get your shit together, dude. You don’t need to worry about bringing a girl home in a mountain full of laundry or a stack of pizza boxes.
You need to improve your cleaning skills if you want to get sex and make her come back for more.
Clean your house before inviting a girl to stay, or going out expecting a girl to come home. Put your dishes in the dishwasher or do it yourself. Close the door and put your laundry away or at least in a pile. Change your sheets or make sure to spray some Fabreeze on your bed.
If your apartment is damaged, it doesn’t matter what you wear. You will look like a total slob. It’s embarrassing to be with a complete slob.
Get some HGTV vibes going
Although the term “bachelor pad”, sounds very sexy, single men’s homes are often a bit sad. It might be a good idea to browse Pinterest — I did it. You can get decorating ideas by scrolling through Pinterest.
This is not something you should do in a hurry to get a hookup, but it will make your apartment more appealing and more attractive.
Although you don’t need to be Chip & Joanna Gains at your place, it is a good idea to try a bit. You can find interesting posters and frame them if you have them. It’s amazing how much a frame can make a big difference. In seconds, you can go from college bro into a distinguished young professional.
You don’t want your candles to smell like a thousand roses. Target and Urban Outfitters have a variety of masculine, sophisticated candle scents. Look for ones with vanilla or tobacco notes. Purchase a throw blanket and some throw pillows for your bed. Buy a coffee table book or something.
It’ll all come out. Queer Eye for a Straight Guy is a great show to watch if you need additional help. This will help you decide what vibe you want and make you feel emotions that you haven’t felt in years.
Let’s talk about sex toys baby…
Ok, so I believe that a man should have sex toys for his use. A Fleshlight is a great start, but it won’t satisfy any woman.
An external vibrator is a must-have investment. These can be used to increase your masturbatory efforts if you’re alone, but they can also be used when you are sexy with a girl. This vibrator is from We-Vibe and can be charged with a USB. And who doesn’t love Hitachi? These are great quality, safe for the body, and can be used with an unlubricated condom (which is what you should use when using sex toys).
They are not cheap. You’ll be glad you did. Attachments for masturbating are available. So will your girl. Make sure to tell her that you know how to sterilize the toy. You can both play together with peace of mind knowing your toys are clean by using a condom and keeping a toy cleaner or one of these bad boys on hand.
Toys, such as vibrators, can give the impression that you are interested in your partner’s pleasure. This is something every woman desires but rarely gets from her partner.
You must have
If you hope that your night will end with a hookup you need to channel your inner boy Scout and be ready. It’s not what you want. These are some things you should always bring with you to go out with potential partners.
You don’t want to worry about your breathing while you’re out trying to win a girl. You don’t know what the evening will bring. You want to be ready for hookups, but you don’t want your breath to be affected by drunk food or tequila.
Keep a packet of gum with you at all times. You can enjoy your night without worrying about what your mouth might taste later. Talking close to a woman will make her want to kiss you if she smells mint instead of beer breath. A guy who smells fresh after a night out is usually keen to share a kiss with you.
Keep one of these handy for when you need it.
A hair tie is usually carried by women around their wrists or in their purses. They can be lost or stolen in the worst situations. When you are getting ready for a hairstyle, the hair ties can be most difficult to find.
If you are a man with a man bun, carrying one may not seem like your responsibility. If you do, you can use that excuse to justify why you own one. If you have long, flowing hair, I would not recommend that you wear one around your wrist. It can be as repelling as a wedding ring.
Your hair tie might be considered a gift from your girlfriend, and girls may think you are cheating. Keep the hair tie in your purse. If she asks, say you will keep it in your pocket just in case. If you find this too confident, you can tell her it is a platonic friend and that you happen to have it.
A girl shouldn’t be concerned about why you have one. It’s not uncommon for a man to find a hair tie out in the wild. Some fraternities keep hair ties in their hair in hopes of getting sex or for the benefit of their brothers. Answer the question by stating that you got the habit at college.
This should be obvious. Right? If you want to get laid, you should keep a condom with you.
Condoms do expire, so make sure you remember these things. You should be paying close attention to the expiration dates on your wallet condom. Throw it out if it has passed the expiration date and get a new one.
Wallet condoms are not the best place for them. The condom will be worn down by your body heat and friction from being stored with credit cards. Keep the condom in your jacket pocket, but not in the same pocket as the keys! Instead, keep the condom in a jacket pocket (but not the same pocket as your keys!) and change it out often even if you haven’t used it. Toss it if it appears worn or damaged.
Cool, dark places are the best place to store condoms. If you don’t feel like carrying them around, keep them at your bedside.
While it is always a good idea to keep one with you when you go out, you should use your judgment. It won’t protect you from anything if it’s old and worn.
Trojan LifeStyles condoms are my favorite brand. Lovability condoms are my favorite brand. They come in a sturdy container, so there is less chance of them tearing, they don’t smell like Autozone and they’re right-side-up which is great for those with trembling hands.
The next item may not be as obvious as the previous one. It’s vital. Lube is something I believe in. While lube may not be as crucial as condoms in terms of safety, it is vital for the actual act of cleaning.
After a night out, it may seem harder to do the do. Whiskey dick maybe a catchy term, but whiskey vagina is something that women sometimes experience.
Everybody knows that drinking can cause you to become dehydrated. But what many people don’t know is that it directly effects how wet a girl will get. It might be a smart idea to have some lube in case you plan on drinking before you hook up.
One-use packets are available that you can slip into your front wallet. You should not keep your back pockets open; it could spell doom.
Keep a bottle of lube and all condoms handy if you are going to be returning to your home. Make sure to buy regular lube. Do not buy anything that promises a tingling sensation, or that is flavored. Because “tingling” lube is often just straight-up burned. Flavored lube typically has glucose, which makes it unsafe to put in a vagina.
Trojan’s Explore Just Plain Fun is my favorite brand, as well as Hallelubyah (because who doesn’t love puns and pH-balanced Lubes? ).
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Try if you want to get laid every night. Rarely will a girl just want to fall in your arms and go home with you? You need to be able to identify potential hookup partners.
When it comes to hooking up or asking for a hangout, a man is expected to take the initiative. Here are some ways you can do this:
No one wants to be the first to send a text message when it comes to texting. This is especially true if you have been left on the read list or were the last to reply to a dying conversation. Although it takes some effort, it is well worth it.
Send a message to a girl on your phone if you have been in a relationship with her in the past. Be subtly flirty, but be clear about what you want. Don’t be too direct. No girl wants to receive a text saying “hey, we should have sex.”
Be direct, but not too candid. “Hey! Or “Hi!” Or “Hi! “I’d love to meet you” conveys a flirty vibe but isn’t too sexual. For a fun touch, add a smiley face or winky emoticon.
Although I understand that texting first and especially double-texting can cause anxiety, it is necessary to accept the risk if you are going to make a connection with a girl. Send the text if you are worried about what she might write and then get off your phone. You won’t be tempted to linger over your phone in anxious anticipation.
Even though you can’t text other potential partners by putting your phone in your bedroom, it will stop you from chatting with them. Send a few flirty texts to try to make plans. But instead of putting your phone in the abyss, those girls on do not disturb. You can text other girls and scroll through Twitter, without worrying about the responses.
The best way to hook up is with Tinder and other dating apps. Although girls may be looking for a long-term partner through a dating app like Tinder, they are usually fine with playing around.
Swipe right, that’s what I said! Go to your preferred dating site, clean up your profile, and then go for it! Swipe on tons of girls. Swipe on any girl you are interested in sleeping with. Let’s face it, you won’t message the girls first and they probably won’t either.
It is more difficult to send a message first if you don’t know the person. Because they don’t know you, they will feel less obliged to respond. With a bad pickup line or a silly gif, it’s difficult to make that connection.
Send a message to a lot of your matches and you’ll see if there are any sparks! Meet up at a bar, or at a party to see if there is anything that sparks in real life.
Enter her DMs
Are you a good friend of a girl but not close enough to be able to get her number? Are you and a girl able to rely on each other for their tweets but not get along? Perhaps it’s time for you to talk to your WCW.
It’s okay to just slip into a girl’s DMs. It is less nerve-wracking than messaging a girl that you know well and you are more likely to receive a reply than if you hit on Tinder girls.
Follow her DMs with a compliment and like one of her tweets, or grams. You don’t have to be shy about being flirty. Girls get lots of men in their DMs and you will need to stand out from them if you want to receive a reply. Take her response as a positive sign and continue the conversation.
You can keep a conversation going on her DMs. Next, try to move the conversation online to person by asking her if there are any plans or if she would like to buy you a drink.
Flirating & Closing 101
Once you’ve made contact with potential partners, it’s time for flirting. You must cultivate a relationship with your potential hookup by offering compliments, making well-timed jokes, and occasionally using subtly sexy remarks.
Many men are very flirtatiously inept. A general rule of thumb is to make her laugh sincerely if that’s what you do.
These are the steps you must follow if you want her to be yours.
Three points of contact
Flirting doesn’t just involve what you say or the vibes that you send. Flirting can also be very physical.
Your body language is just as important as your words. When you speak to your girl, make sure you use your body language in a way that is open and welcoming.
When you are sitting, point your knees and feet towards her. When you are standing, make sure to face her and pivot your body towards her. Avoid putting anything between you and her, such as a backpack or briefcase. This is closed body language that can give the impression you are not interested in her.
To make sure she’s feeling good, touch her. No, I’m not referring to inappropriately. But that will come later. You should make three points of contact when you are hanging out, whether it’s at a bar or privately. You can do this by reaching out and touching her forehead, touching her shoulder, or looping your arm around her neck while you walk.
These contact points should be intimate without being sexually explicit, but they should also be purposeful. Does not include accidentally brushing your hand with hers.
I believe that some alcohol is liquid courage. However, I am also a firm believer in the fact that too much alcohol can lead to stupid decisions.
However, I don’t mind drinking when you are trying to hook up. Sometimes, a few beers can help you get the courage to speak to the girl at the bar and ask her if she would like to “get out” of this situation. However, I don’t condone sloppy drunk hookups especially if you are just starting with someone.
Chances are, you don’t know them well or don’t know much about them sexually. Even if you are just looking for a fling, it is important to trust someone even if only in a small way.
If you don’t feel comfortable with alcohol, stick to beer or wine. Between drinks, order water and consume it. You won’t look like a square if you don’t drink enough. Instead, you will appear mature, cool, and collected.
You don’t want to have too many girls and ruin your chances of meeting a girl.
When it comes to closing, confidence is as important as humor. You won’t close if you don’t believe you can.
Everyone needs to feel confident. It’s a total fake-it-till-you-make-it scenario. You need to present a confident face even if you are insecure. Grooming is so important when it comes to hooking up. Even if you’re not the most confident guy in the room, looking good will help you feel confident. A well-groomed man will not appear low in self-esteem.
There is a big difference between being confident and being cocky. Some people find it difficult to maintain that balance. Use a filter when speaking. You want to make sure your voice doesn’t sound cocky or self-centered. Men must be aware of how much alcohol they consume. Many guys become more confident with each drink.
Push it, but not pushy
Trust me, I get that you want to be a wife. If given the chance, I can understand why you would want to get married right now.
I can understand why you feel the need to act quickly, especially when you are in the middle of a prolonged dry spell. Sex is wonderful. Sex is good for your health. Sex is enjoyable. What’s the fun in sex? Feeling pressured to have sex.
So… don’t get pushy. It isn’t cute and will not get you laid.
Match her tone
It is important to match the tone of her voice when flirting, especially when it involves humor. Let’s suppose you have a vulgar sense of humor, but she’s not nearly as filthy. To make sure your comments don’t cause you discomfort, you’ll need to tone them down. If your jokes make her feel uncomfortable (dirty or political), apologize and change the subject.
This applies to being confident. If she doesn’t find it flattering, you don’t want your compliments and comments to be sexual. You can be explicit without being too direct. Some girls flirt with their boyfriends and are just as sexually ferocious as the rest. Congratulation to those girls. If she is willing to be outright crazy on the streets, she will probably be just as crazy in the sheets.
It can be hard to know what to do next, or where to go when things get hot and heavy. But don’t panic.
Hooking up can be defined in many ways. Hooking up can be defined as anything, from getting to second base to doing anal… It all depends on how you define the word (which is crucial when it comes down to hooking up).
Hooking up can be a gray area because people have different definitions and different ways of defining the word. When you hook up, you will need to understand all the gray. You’ll have to identify what’s black and white.
Communicating is the best way to do this. Ask her what you want and how far you are willing to go. Communication is important. Although it might be awkward to ask her if she would like to have sex with you, she will likely respond positively by learning that you asked.
As long as everything is safe and consensual, you should be fine. But here are some Dos and Don’ts about dickin’ her down.
Do’s & Don’ts
Do take her height into account
There are many sizes and shapes of girls, but this tip is for the short ones.
A short girl doesn’t have to worry if she is too tall for a man, but they should be concerned about her being too short. When you are having an affair with a shorty, ensure you take her height into account.
Although short girls will not mind being with tall men (because all girls are into the dark and tall type), they may regret it the next morning when their necks become stiff from standing up.
You can make your make-out session more enjoyable by letting her know that you’re bringing her to a sofa or bed if she is craning her neck.
Don’t get too rough
Do you remember those gray areas? This is one. You should not get too rough with someone you are considering dating. Although most people have had some form of rough sex, some people find it more appealing than others.
Test the waters before you dive into Fifty Shades. You can only dip your toes at first. Gently rub her back and pull her hair. Or, if you want to kiss her, hold her chin. You don’t have to rip her hair, don’t pull her hair back, and don’t choke her off the bat.
This is how to scare someone who is vanilla as fuck.
Try to be freaky if you want to. A freaky girl will likely feel more comfortable asking for what she wants.
Do this: Ask her what she feels good about it
Communication can be difficult. Sometimes, it is harder for women to communicate their needs in bed. When you hook up, ask what is good.
You can usually base your feelings of happiness on her physical reactions. If she is moaning, arching her back, or moaning, then whatever you are doing feels good. If she isn’t making noises or pulling away from you, it’s probably not a good idea to do what you’re doing.
Ask her if you don’t know where she is. You can simply say “Does it feel good, babe?” You open communication between you and your partner, and you can continue to please them.
Don’t: Try any crazy sex positions
You’re probably doing it wrong if you try to do anything unusually acrobatic during your first or second hookup. You’re not only putting your future hookups at risk, but you are also likely doing the wrong sex position.
When you first begin to hook up with someone, Crazy Kama Sutra positions will not be allowed. When you first start to hook up with someone, you must stick to the basics (think doggy and missionary).
Once you have established trust, then you can start trying out wild sex positions.
Do: Show variations
You shouldn’t try to make your body look like a pretzel while having sexual relations with someone for the first or second time. However, it’s important to not be a missionary.
You can spice up simple or less physically demanding positions by thinking about what you can do. Simple things like putting your arms over her shoulders when you are doing missionary or holding her up during doggy kisses to show variation.
You can also change her thrust angle by putting a pillow under her head in missionary or under your knees in the dog.
Fuck around in the house is also possible. You don’t have to keep it on your bed. Bang on the floor. Bang on the couch. Bang in the kitchen. Make sure that your roommates are not home.
Do not: Cum, and you will think that you are done
You don’t have to cum it all. For those in the back, I will repeat that: sex does not end when you cum.
Contrary to popular belief the male orgasm doesn’t mean the end of sex. Please don’t roll over and go to sleep. Take a break before you continue to work on your lady.
Your pleasure is just as important to her as it is to yours.
If she says she has done, but not cummed, that’s fine. If your partner is having trouble getting to the point, don’t force her to do it. The female orgasm can seem difficult for most females. Don’t feel bad for them if they don’t succeed. Don’t make them feel bad.
Trust and being completely relaxed are key factors in an orgasm. These two things are usually associated with hooking up at least once.
Do: Clean up after
Do not leave her covered in your cum
Give the girl a towel. Even better, offer to help the girl.
It should be obvious, but here I am.
So you got laid! You’re awesome, my dude! The key thing is not to act weird now that you have sex with this girl. These are some key steps for proper post-hookup etiquette.
Don’t overstay your welcome
It can be hard to know when it is time to leave. There will be instances when you should stay over and others where you shouldn’t. When making this decision, be sure to pay attention to key phrases and actions.
After sex, has she ever rolled over and ignored you? Is she adamant that she must get up at a reasonable hour? Did she tell you straight up to go? Leave. Then, call yourself an Uber driver and get out.
If you end up staying up all night, make sure to get up at a reasonable time. It’s not the best thing to have to wait for someone else to get up before you can go about your day. It’s even worse when you have to wait for someone to wake up before you can get on with your day. Don’t be a fool and set your alarm for either 8 or 9 a.m., depending on what day it is. Try to leave the house earlier if it’s a weekday.
If she isn’t at your house, you can ask her to leave. Don’t be rude, but let the girl go. It is not a good idea to resent the girl because she spent the night with you when you are awake.
Be a good ghost!
Even if the girl doesn’t want you to speak to her again, send her a message saying that you had a lot of fun. You shouldn’t ghost unless something terrible happens.
Ghosting after sex is not only rude but also cowardly. If you choose to go away rather than tell her you aren’t interested in hanging out again, you will lose her respect. She will see you as a complete pussy and you’ll be even more of a loser if you try to hook up with her again.
Even if it seems like the easiest way out, don’t ghost. It is better to shut her up than to try to lead her or give her false hope.
Do not be a dick
You might have noticed a common theme in the two previous tips… but that is not a bad thing.
Be polite, even if she’s clinging to you or if it’s not your intention to have another sex session with her. This girl had sex with you, so be polite to her. You should not ghost the girl, do not say anything rude, and treat her with respect.
However, she may think you’re being a slave or tell her friends that you’re a dick for letting her down. You’re fine as long as your actions are in line with your values.