What exactly is casual dating?
It’s the purgatory between friends who have benefits and those in a committed relationship. Because it goes beyond just having sex, it is more than friendship with benefits. Because there are no conversations or commitments about the future, it’s less than a partnership.
Casual dating should be lighthearted, casual, and often temporary. It can develop into something more serious, but I don’t think so.
It’s not, and that’s why it’s so complicated. There are so many grey areas that you don’t know what their number or name is.
I hope to end all the confusion once and for all.
Keep it on the same page.
You should get to know each other before you casually start dating someone.
This is crucial to avoid wasted time, hurt feelings, or a messy situation.
There are two types of expectations: one is looking to make your relationship work and the other is interested in having fun.
This type of divergence in expectations is what makes things very messy very quickly.
Imagine Greg waking up to 17 missed phone calls from Vanessa, the girl he went out for dinner with twice. It was all because Vanessa saw him talking to another girl in a bar.
Imagine you are Vanessa and think that Greg is sexing with another girl. Yes, I would hate to be like them. It is important that you establish a mutual understanding from the beginning. Stop arguing if you don’t agree. Is it OK to see other people? How about sleeping with others?
This is a prerequisite for being on the same page. It varies from one case to another.
Sometimes, you may agree with each other that you want casual dress but you don’t want to see others. You might also agree that you want to both play the field while keeping your options open.
There is no better or worse option. It is a personal choice and preference.
What if John and Becca don’t know if it’s okay to see others? Then Becca is asked out on a date. Or John goes out with a random woman he meets at a bar and has a sleepover.
Becca shouldn’t say “no” because John is involved. Becca should say no if she wants to.
John technically did nothing wrong in John’s situation because he and Becca hadn’t made commitment or monogamy prior to that point.
Both parties must let the other know in order to stay on the same page, respect each other and maintain courtesy. They don’t have to tell each other everything, but I am not suggesting they do. You could say:
“Is it okay to see other people?” It’s simple and direct, but it still sparks a conversation. Protect yourself.
If you are not in a monogamous marriage, protection should be an automatic right. Both of you will likely be sharing a bed with more than one person, as stated earlier. You don’t want to get a STD, or worse, the B word.
Is it acceptable to call or text them when you are not there?
You shouldn’t expect to be in constant contact with the casually-dating person.
You can save the calling and texting for meetings or dates, and just get to the point. Take this example:
“Hey, can you be free tonight?” “I’m looking for a new Sushi restaurant downtown. Or
“Movie night tonight?” It’s possible to have fun and send “naughty messages” to each other.
Don’t forget to lock the phone. It’s not attractive to send multiple, or even four, consecutive texts.
You shouldn’t wait anxiously for their reply. It’s casual for reasons, and if they don’t respond, who the hell cares? It’s okay to let your expectations and emotions go.
Do not talk about the future.
Casual dating is often short-term, so it’s strange to discuss Halloween with someone you don’t know. It is not casual to make plans for more than five months ahead of time. This will put pressure on the other person, and can make them feel trapped.
Keep your relationships and the time you spend together daily. Do not look too far into your future.
You can both see yourselves barbecuing baby-back ribs on Fourth Of July with your friends, but you should not tell them until July 3rd. (Okay, maybe just a little earlier.)
Do not overthink it.
For women, overthinking is a big problem in casual dating. It’s best to just stop thinking about it. Your mindset can change your thinking habits and stop you from overthinking.
You can take comfort in the fact that there are no strings attached to this situation and not fear. The worst thing that could happen is that it doesn’t. It doesn’t have to be bad if it doesn’t work out. This is not a relationship.
Or, to put it bluntly:
Don’t give a damn!
Do not be a social media troll.
You already know who you really are. You first check your Snapchat. Have they posted a story? No. You can now move onto Instagram. Are they able to post a photo? No. Next, you can move on to their twitter. Next, go to Facebook
The picture is there. STOP.
Casual dating is a great way to have fun and enjoy the benefits of a relationship, without having to commit. Enjoy the game and have fun. Explore new things in your bed, new places, new restaurants, and try something you wouldn’t normally do.
Remember the beauty of it all: There’s always an escape.